Do you waste time on seeking revenge?

I don’t think anyone goes through life having not experienced a wrong – regardless of what it is and who made it happen; it often prompts a response where the hurt individual looks to begin to seek revenge and become embittered. I was speaking to a colleague about this the other day and musing why this isn’t a healthy go to and how I’m happy it isn’t something I ever feel and what that is.

Firstly, I have always been very clear that the circle of people I truly care about, those that could really hurt me, is very small. I think it’s likely that I love them all so much that I wouldn’t want to hurt them whatever the circumstances. I would be sad if for some reason they couldn’t be in my life, but I have never and could never have feelings of revenge. For others that have perhaps ‘wronged’ me – they were never that important and I find it very easy to move on from people like that, my energy isn’t best spent worrying about what has happened, I don’t want to be embittered, and I certainly don’t want to give the power to others to impact me that way. Dwelling on the past feels futile given how much there is in the present!

It was the great Martin Luther King, Jr. that said, “Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness” and he knew a thing or two! In fact, science is now beginning to show a correlation between persistent bitterness and increased inflammation, as well as other physical diseases, not to mention the impact it has on individuals’ emotional wellbeing, with links to anxiety, depression and chronic stress.

As I have got older and more emotionally mature what I see is incidents when I have been ‘wronged,’ or when others have disappointed me are times that I should appreciate, that I

retrospectively need to be grateful for. I realise now that we should appreciate these times since they are periods when we learn and improve – we often become braver, stronger and happier. The problems that these ‘wrongs’ create become pathways to a better life and space – although of course sometimes you maybe don’t feel that way as you are experiencing things. My experience shows me that people that have been though a lot are often kinder, wiser and overall happier.

So, I know it’s a big ask to thank those that do you ‘wrong’ but be patient and reflect and I am certain that you will find good that has grown from it and that you end up in a much better place. I am happy to say a big public thank you to anyone who has ever wronged me – that said I don’t want them back in my life since I know I deserve so much more.